A few years ago, when I attended a friend’s wedding, one piece of advice the couple was given stuck with me. “Whatever happens throughout the day, make sure at night, your toes touch.” Seems simple enough. The reasoning is, if you make contact, you will either have the conversation about any disagreement earlier in the day, or caress and comfort each other. I have shared this advise with friends who are dating, courting and married, because I see so much value in the potent simplicity of it, and the beauty of its intimacy.
As much as this advice was shared for intimate relationships, over the years, for me, it has transcended romantic relationships, to be important for all relationships. The reality is, things happen. As humans, we make mistakes. Additionally, without it being intended, we can be offended or hurt by the things our loved ones say or do. In spite of all that, when you value people, friendships and all the other kinds of relationships, no matter what has happened, reach out, make an effort to reconnect, talk, air, clear and reconcile. Make smoothening things out, a priority.
From my experience, sometimes your efforts will not yield the kind of success you want; but you have the comfort in knowing that you genuinely tried.
Quite often, I reflect on life and relationships when death has come knocking. I have felt deeply moved by the sudden death of ace schoolboy footballer, Dominic James. (My deepest condolences to his family, friends, team and all who mourn him.) Perhaps, I have felt it so deeply because I am away from home and the people I love the most. Perhaps, too, because one of my nearest and dearest is dealing with a life-threatening situation in her family. In the quietitude of my morning, I originally wrote a version of this post on Facebook, as my beloveds slept. I pondered this. Death will come, but we never know when or how. It is only when it comes, that we usually realise the brevity of life, and think how much we will miss with the person who has transitioned. We as humans, are built for community and fellowship; not to be alone. Cherish the people who make you feel secure in your vulnerable moments, help you grow and feel loved.
Today, remember life is short. So, no matter what happened with someone who you value, reconnect. Make sure your toes touch.